I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
