Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
