My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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