The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
