i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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