We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
