Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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