you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
