Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
