I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
