do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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