Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
