i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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