Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
