I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
