can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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