i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
