so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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