You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize