I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
