I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
