He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
