i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize