just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FUCK WHALES
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
