I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The air taste purple.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
