After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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