I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They took my balls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
