he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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