You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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