At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
