In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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