well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
