It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
