He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
