Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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