I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
