Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
