I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
