separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
