So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MIDGETS
????
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
