I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
