i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
