I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
