I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
