You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
