After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
