he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
