apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
