my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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