the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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