I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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