OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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