I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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