There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
