If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
