There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
