Cold hands, warm shart.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize