I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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