I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
