The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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