I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize