yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
