You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize