No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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