The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
