grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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