I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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