hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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