he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my shit smells like andre
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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