You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
