I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
