I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
