I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
