I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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