8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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